There is an idea going around a tiny minority of Android users regarding the iOS user base. No, I don’t mean that iOS users are sheep who buy every possible thing that Apple turns out. I think it’s somewhat true. Come on! Apple things are sexy! If I could afford to, I’d buy everything made by Apple as well (And Sony too, and Microsoft and Samsung…). Besides, what’s wrong with sheep? Sheep are cute, fluffy and have been helping cure insomnia since the dawn of time.

Admit it. I'm cute.

The idea I mean is that iOS users are incompetent, wannabe artists, who have a deep underlying fear of technology. In other words, the idea that iOS users are “n00bs” while Android users are some sort of technology paragons.

‘The Fuck!?

First let me get two things out in the open:

1. I think Android is Awesome

Ice Cream Sandwich specifically. It’s leaps and bounds better than iOS in some ways (just like how iOS is better than Android in some other ways). I love its task manager, the widgets (specially the super useful settings widget) and that the customization options are near endless. From a smart phone OS perspective, I think Android has caught up to iOS and they are now on equal footing. Why do I prefer an iPhone then? That’s a story for another post.

2. Not all Android users believe this shit

Of course, not every android user believes this idea. I know a few Android users, and they are fine upstanding citizens. In fact, my wife is an Android user. She owns a Galaxy s2. Great phone by the way. But don’t tell her, I hate her cellphone case. Shhhhh.

In fact, I only see this idea rear its ugly head in tech site comment sections and forums, where idiots can hide behind anonymity. It’s easy to spew hate when people don’t know who you are. I want to believe these are a minority of Android users. It is because of them (whom I shall refer as “haters” moving on)that I write this post.

Most of the time, the haters attack iOS for its simplicity. Basically they take iOS’ strength (like Steve Jobs said: It just works) and make it look like it’s weakness.

“It’s limiting.”

“It’s designed for 5 year olds.”

“It’s designed for really old people.”

“Why can’t you do this on iOS?”

“Why can’t you do that?”

Yada yada yada. Yackity Schmackity.

On the other hand, they say that Android is the answer. In every way that iOS is shit, Android is king. It’s a powerful, advanced, customizable behemoth. And somehow, because they are able to tame this monster of an OS, to make it submit, to make it provide for their every whim, they think they are superior to the lowly iOS sheep who “Baaahh” at Siri and follow wherever iOS leads them.

I have a message to you high and mighty tamers of beasts: Wake. The. Fuck. Up.

Android is an OS that runs the phone/tablet you use, just like iOS. That makes you just like the rest of us: USERS. Android is a tad more complicated than iOS (okaaay, probably more than a tad). Mastering and knowing the ins and outs of Android does not make you Stephen-fucking-Hawking! Anyone can master android.

• If you can use Windows for PC you can master android
• If you can use a Scientific Calculator you can master android
• If you play video games (ps3, xbox 360, psp 3ds or wherever) you can master android
• If you can operate a television (specially with one of those programmable universal controllers) you can master android.

Basically if you have an IQ high enough to be considered a functioning member of our species, you can use AND master android given an appropriate amount of time to use an android device.

"So how about that ICS Harry. Pretty Sweet huh?"

Using android is not equivalent to winning a fucking Nobel Prize in physics. It isn’t Rocket Science.

To make a long story short: You do not have the right to brag about better than iOS users just because you can customize your theme and they can’t, because you have cool widgets and they don’t, or you have oodles of fully customized ROMS you could download into your phone and they don’t. You don’t have the right to brag because YOU DID NOT MAKE THOSE THINGS. YOU JUST USE THEM. So unless you designed those themes, wrote those cool widgets or developed those ROMS yourself, you can have a nice big serving of shut the fuck up.

Note: Obviously it goes both ways. People who hate on android should also keep their traps shut. It’s annoying as well.

Notes:

Instead of scanning the line art, I tried taking a picture of the original drawing with a camera phone instead. Just for the hell of it. It turned out pretty okay. Here’s the photo:

Reason Number 1: I got a new Job
Apparently it’s hard to find time to blog while adjusting to a new work environment. I’ll leave it at that

Reason Number 2: I’ve been busy with different Social Networking Sites
By busy, I mean lurking on facebook, google+ and twitter. I don’t actually generate content or interact with people all that much. But if I find something funny, you can be rest assured I’m gonna repost the shit out of it (or steal it and pretend I thought of it first).

Reason Number 3: I was playing a lot of awesome games
When I accepted my new job, I got a significant increase in my salary. That got my mind thinking:

So buy those games I did (I also got my wife to buy a few for me). In the past year I played Infamous 2, Uncharted 3, Batman Arkham City, Assassin’s Creed: Revelations, Xenoblade (on the Wii) and Skyrim (Holy fuck this game is amazing). I also played other games that I can’t recall right now. What I’m trying to say is a shit-ton of my time was spent playing video games. It’s a miracle how my wife puts up with me. It’s one of the reasons I love her .

Aaaaannnnnddd now I’m blogging again. Why? I don’t know. I guess I’ve read all the new reddit and 9gag posts for the day. Also, my boss left early.

I guess I’m going to make a new years resolution to blog regularly again. So that brings my new years resolutions to two:

1.  Lose Weight – I’m trying to go on a diet and failing miserably
2. Blog regularly.

One out of two ain’t half bad right?

So I begin anew. I pity my facebook and google friends. They’re going to be getting a regular dose of shameless plugs from me again.

‘Til next time!

In hindsight, this comic would have been more relevant had I made it about 5 or 6 years ago…

Anyways, here’s the logo I came up with.

[Update April 12 2011]

Apparently there’s a law prohibiting the use of the Philippine flag for commercial purposes (stupid law), so I edited the credit card in the picture. Here’s version 2.0

Here’s the old version:

I don’t know if it’s up in his site yet, but the mere fact that something I created is going to be out there on the interwebz (and not just on my blog) makes me giddy with egomaniacal joy (cue evil laughter).

I have taken my first step to world domination!!!! Ooo-rah!!!

I watched Zack Snyder’s magnum opus this week. I hated it. Why? Two Reasons:

Warning! Spoilers ahead!

Reason number 1: The Fantasy Bullshit is Disturbing

The first few minutes of Sucker Punch held promise. The music video like exposition (to the tune of an awesome “Sweet Dreams are Made of These” cover) of how Baby Doll ends up in the insane asylum is a tribute to Zack Snyder’s knack for giving meaning and weight simply through excellent camera shots/angles. But alas, it all went downhill once Baby Doll entered the asylum and she started having her hallucinations.

As anyone who is familiar with Sucker Punch knows, the fantasies are the scenes when the characters in the movie go all anime and display copious amounts of super human acrobatics, glorious slow-mo battles and other forms of bad-assery. These scenes are used to depict how Baby Doll and her cohorts obtain the necessary tools in order to escape the mental institution they are locked in; namely a map, a lighter, a knife, a key and a fifth unknown item.

Now to my point; the fantasy parts are distracting because of the reason the movie gives us for their existence. They are a way the protagonist copes with the trauma of her situation. Like the movie states, she uses them to “Fight“.

I don’t know about you, but this is how I escape my trauma

So while watching the vibrant visuals of the fantasy being played out, a part of my mind kept asking; “What the fuck is actually going on in the real world?” I can only come to one reasonable conclusion: In order to obtain the items they need to escape, Baby Doll has sex with someone as a distraction while the other girls steal the map, lighter, key or whatever.

When I came to that realization, all enjoyment from watching the fantasy scenes evaporated. How could I possibly enjoy them when I now know they’re the escapist fantasies of a girl whose desperation brings her to sleep with people who ooze sleaze in order to escape? How!?!

I probably felt the same way as the people in “The Soylent Green” movie felt, when they found out the yummy food they’ve been eating were actually human beings.

Reason number 2: The Ending Blows

I’ll give Zack Snyder credit. I was indeed sucker punched by the ending. I didn’t see or expect it coming. But it is also common sense, that people don’t like being sucker punched. A pleasant or mind-blowing surprise is completely different from a swift unexpected fist to the nuts.

Ouchies

The sucker punch ending is that Baby Doll is not actually the protagonist. It’s not her story. The real hero is one of her cohorts, Sweet Pea (aka the one who doesn’t die). On the verge of freedom, being blocked by numerous goons, Baby Doll realizes that she is the fifth, previously unnamed item, necessary for escape. So, she sacrifices herself by distracting the bad guys so Sweet Pea can escape, to “live for all of them“. As for Baby Doll, she gets lobotomized but not before regaining her sanity at the very last second before the ice pick is hammered into her brain.

It was a tragic ending. And it also completely, undoubtedly, unquestionably 100% sure-as-the-sun-rises BLOWS!!! Why does it blow? Because we don’t give a monkey’s ass about Sweet Pea. Throughout the whole movie, we were made to sympathize with Baby Doll and Baby Doll alone. The first 10 minutes (which as I said previously, was awesome) were designed to make us feel sorry for her. The backgrounds of the other girls were only given an iota of development. The bare minimum! This resulted in us not giving a fuck about them. If a little effort was made to make us care for anyone else aside Baby Doll, the ending wouldn’t have been so bad. I’d even go out on a limb and say it had the possibility to be a kick ass ending. But I digress…

So in summary, to have the one the audiences don’t care about go cavorting into the sunset and the one we DO care about being turned into a walking vegetable is a stupid ending. A dick ending. A Sucker Punch ending. If Zack Snyder’s goal was to piss the audiences off, he succeeded.

Congratulations…

Asshole.

Just who is or what is Death Metal? Death Metal was a character in the comic series Combatron in the old Funny Komiks that used to be published in the Philippines. Yes, before manga became really big here, during the advent of the new millennium (which ushered Filipino made manga like Culture Crash), there was Funny Komiks. Combatron was my favorite of the offerings because it had cool ass robots (think rockman/megaman) and lord knows I love cool ass robots. Death Metal was super awesome because he couldn’t be killed since his life force was on some fucking comet and not in his actual body.

Also, his name was fucking Death Metal!!!

In case you were wondering, here’s what the original Death Metal looked like:

While you eat, they regale you with the most amazing stories; fantastic yarns about love, loss and the inevitable triumph of the human spirit. This fantastic magical little stall is called:

Where they tell tales…

About Cocks.

This post is a work of fiction. Any similarities to actual entities or establishments are purely coincidental =)

A few posts ago I wrote how the rock was “Da Shit”, then he had to go and do his Hollywood thing and ended up being plain Shit (link).

I forgive you Rock… I forgive you

Well not anymore! The Great One’s back baby!

Apparently it’s not going to be a one time appearance either! If we are to believe the video, he’s back in the active RAW roster.

Finally, I have a reason to watch the WWE again. Move over John Cena (I almost came in my pants when the audience turned their figurative backs on Cena. YEAAAHHHHHH!!! Cena Sucks!) and Randy Orton. Fuck off, Miz. The most electrifying man in sports entertainment is back. His 2nd coming will save Wrestling the way Michael Jordan’s 2nd coming saved basketball.

The Rock is the Wrestling Messiah!

I definitely smell what the Rock is cooking. And I can tell you, this time… it ain’t shit.

I am Number 4

After watching the trailer the thought “Twilight with Mutants!” came to mind. But still, this movie has piqued my curiosity. I don’t know if it’s just me though, but the trailer makes this movie look eerily like the movie Jumper (starring Hayden “Darth Vader” Christiansen).

Lets hope it turns out better, ’cause Jumper fucking sucked.

Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon

Uh oh. Another bayformers movie. After the awfulness that was Revenge of the Fallen, where we find out that Devastator has gigantic metal balls and that Primes can go all Mufasa and manifest themselves in the clouds, I am a little bit scared of this movie.

I’m still going to see it though. Why? Because dude, it’s a movie with giant-ass robots. God knows how much I love robots.

The Hobbit

To those who don’t know, the Hobbit is the story that sets up the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy. It’s basically the story of Bilbo Baggins (Frodo’s uncle/relative/cousin/who the fuck cares), and how he bamboozles Gollum and obtains the One Ring of Power. I was a bit disappointed when Guilliermo del Torro stepped down as director for this movie (Hellboy 2 was awesome). But that disappointment all went away when Peter Jackson decided to make the Hobbit himself. Since he already made the LOTR trilogy, it’s only fitting he direct the Hobbit.

P.S. I think the Hobbit is going to be split into two movies. I’m not sure though (and I’m too lazy to google it dammit).

Paul

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are spoofing another genre; Sci-Fi! I can’t wait. I loved Shaun of the Dead’s take on zombie movies (Shaun of the Dead > Zombieland btw) and Hot Fuzz’s take on the buddy cop movie. I’m betting this sci-fi comedy is going to be just as awesome.

One caveat though is that Edgar Wright (The director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) won’t be directing Paul.

Cowboys and Aliens

Cowboys are fucking awesome. Aliens are fucking awesome. Put them together and…

Yes, Cowboys and Aliens will make your fucking head explode because it is so fucking awesome. At least I think it will… Obviously it’s not actually out yet (duh). Still, the trailer is sexyawesome (That’s actually a word. you don’t need to look it up).

P.s. Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford look BADASS!!!

Thor and Captain America

I don’t know which is coming out first (again, I’m too lazy to google, but if I had to guess I think Thor is showing this year and Captain America next year), but both movies look cool. I’m more excited about Thor though. Mainly because, I’m curious as to how Thor’s “magical” power is going to look in the big screen.

Xmen: First Class and Amazing Spiderman

I’m not really sure how i feel about these two movies. On the one hand since FOX and Sony just keep making X-men and Spiderman movies respectively, so that the movie licenses don’t revert back to marvel studios, they probably don’t give a shit about the quality of the movies they spew out. On the other hand, the Xmen trailer has its great moments and Andrew Garfield (the new spiderman) is a pretty decent actor. And who the hell am I kidding anyways, no matter how shit stained the movies are, I’m still going to watch them. For I am a sheep in the Super Hero Movie farm.

The Dark Knight Rises

Christian Bale reprises his role as Batman, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. Tom Hardy as Bane. And of course, the movie’s being directed by Christopher Nolan.

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Even though they haven’t begun shooting it yet, I know The Dark Knight Rises is going to be the most awesome movie ever!!! I love The Dark Knight Rises as much as 13-year-old girls love Justin Beiber!!!

AIIIIYYYYIIIIIIYIIIIYEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!