Monthly Archives: July 2010

PhotoshopSkill++

I love to draw but I suck at coloring my drawings. I tried doing it the old fashioned way using colored pencils, water colors etc. but it always ends up as chicken shit. Then, as if from the heavens came Photoshop. So I said to myself “Thank you oh Holy of Holies, from now on my colored drawings will not suck!”

Well, they still did. Here’s one of my first tries using photoshop (circa 2006):

I know, right? Suckiness level 99. I pratically almost lost all hope right after finishing this.

But I kept at it. Here’s another try using photoshop (circa 2007)

It showed some improvement. But still it sucks. Because I was totally depressed, I stopped coloring my drawings for a while.

Recently, I tried again. Here’s my latest attempt (circa last week)

HOORRRAAHHH! It does not suck! How do I know? This is how I judge my work; I go to Deviantart and I look for artwork better than mine. With my two previous attepts, I found literally dozens right of the bat! For my latest attempt, I still found dozens, but this time I had to go to different pages to do so. Yey!

Not sucking is just the first step. I still have ways to go in fulfilling my destiny as being the Greatest Fucking Artist of All TIme (Insert Electric Guitar riff here)!!!!

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Saturday at the Movies: Inception and The Last Airbender

Gem and I watched not one, but TWO movies last Saturday. This came about because I missed watching Inception last week ’cause when some friends and I went to watch it, we couldn’t get any god damn tickets (dammit, indi ako uso for one week kasi di pa ko nakakanood ng Inception. haha)!

I insisted we watch Inception first because I knew it was going to be one of those movies where you actually have to use some brain cells (yipee!). Marmaduke this is not boys and girls.

Inception


So we watched the movie aaaaaand (taking a deep breath) it was so so so ultra-electro-magnetic-mega-fucking-AWESOOOOOOOMMMMEEEE! AEYIYIYIYIYI!!!!  I cannot begin to describe how much I loved this movie. Leo was awesome! Ken Watanabe was awesome! Cillian Murphy was Awesome! Juno (Ellen Page) was awesome! Fuck, even 500 days of summer guy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) was awesome! I am sooo in love with the word “awesome” right now! After watching it I firmly believe God put Christopher Nolan on this green earth to give everyone movie nerdgasms.

I was at the edge of my seat from beginning to end. The movie was intense and layered and complicated, but in a good way. I’d like to think of Inception as the thinking man’s Mission Impossible. Like I said, the movie makes you think. It makes you think all the way out the theater, the mall, on the way home… When I was lying on my bed that night I was still piecing things together. And that’s good! Thinking is good people!

I won’t bother with a synopsis. In fact, go watch Inception without having a fucking clue what its all about. Its better that way. I don’t want to give anything away (I fucking hate it when people spoil good movies (I remember back in high school, a classmate of mine spoiled the ending of US marshalls, and i almost round house kicked him in the face. The only reason I didn’t was because I can’t kick very high)… But I just have to say, the ending was MIND BLASTING! Not mind blowing mind you, any good movie can blow your mind. This movie BLASTED my mind!!!!

During the last few moments I was like: Awww, that’s a nice sweet ending….

Then I was like: U-oh, I feel something big is coming….

Than the camera pans and focuses on “something”…. Oh shit here it comes… I just know it. OhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShit.

Then….

The Last Airbender


….

Words fail me.

Nothing left to say except “FUCK YOU M. Night Shyamalan for fucking up Avatar! (Yes, I call it “Avatar”, fuck you too James Cameron for stealing that name!) The animated series was one of my favorite things ever. It’s practically like my child, my baby. And you took a big fat stinking shit on my child.


My pure sweet innocent child you stupid fuck!! Fuck you!! I fucking hate you!!!” AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

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Filed under Loathing, Movies, Reviews

Lebrononyms

I hate Lebron James. I hated him when he was in Cleveland and I hate him now he’s with the Heat. There are no words to describe how much I abhor this man-child.

I hate Lebron more than I hate this:

and this:

For me, Lebron is the equivalent of this:

This guy has an ego so huge, he actually refers to himself in the third person. In the third-fucking-person!! Does he think he’s a wwe superstar on something? Does he want us to smell what Leberon James is cooking?

I guess one side effect of that egotism and self centeredness  is that writers and fans started going all “punny” on his name. So, here’s a list of these “lebrononyms”, that I  found on the net, that are used to describe  the so-called king of Akron:

pre-decision

  • LeShaq LeMo – cavs teammates
  • LeGod, LeJesus – by cavs fans of course
  • LeBacle, LeChoke – performance during the cavs-celtics playoff series

free agency

  • LeBrouhaha, LeBronathon, LeBrachelor – all the hoopla of Lebron James’ free agency
  • LeBrontourage – Lebron’s high school buddies
  • LeNarcissict – announcing his intentions on live tv
  • LeBulls, LeKnicks, LeClippers, LeHeat – possible LeDestinations
  • LeBronologue – rambling on tv before announcing what team he was going to
  • LeMageddon, LePocalypse –  the actual decision, james to the heat

post decision

  • LeGone – to Miami
  • LeWade LeBosh – heat teammates
  • LeTraitor, LeFraud, LeBastard – by cavs fans of course
  • The LeTragedy – addition to previous Cleveland sports woes: the Shot, the Fumble and the Move
  • LeBronfire – the systematic burning of all things Lebron James in Cleveland

faves from forums/comments from users

  • LeDbag or LeDouche
  • LeJoke
  • LeBrat
  • LeFag
  • LeShit
  • LeTurd – my personal favorite

LeLong LeLive the LeKing!!

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Monkey Strip No. 1

The first wise code monkey: Kikazaru


(Part 1 of 3 of the Three Wise Code Monkeys Series)

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Monkey Man Crush (Part 1)

There’s nothing wrong with a little hetero sexual man crushing now and then. There’s just a ton of men out there guys wish they were.  There’s nothing gay about that. Yep… nothing gay AT ALL…

So with out further ado, I give you…

Part 1 of….. Monkey Man Crush!!! Yeah!!!

Basketball Men

Michael Jordan

His Airness. The greatest basketball player of all time. 6 nba championships, five MVP awards, ten All-NBA First Team designations, nine All-Defensive First Team honors, fourteen NBA All-Star Game appearances, three All-Star Game MVP awards, ten scoring titles, three steals titles, six NBA Finals MVP awards, and the 1988 NBA Defensive Player of the Year Award. Need I say more?

Kobe Bryant

The Black Mamba. If Michael Jordan is number 1, Kobe Bryant is 1-A. 5 nba championships, 2 finals MVP awards, 1 MVP award and 2 scoring titles. His resume pales in comparison to Jordan’s, but he’s done 2 things Jordan never did. He scored 81 points in a single game (one) and “allegedly” raped a girl in Denver Colorado (two). Top that Air Jordan, Kobe is the shit.

Mike Cortez

The Cool Cat (I love the baller name. Philippine basketball players, most of the time, get sucky nick names like the Arial Voyager, the Ninja or the Destroyer). I only followed his career in the collegiate level, at which point he was god. This man was an awesome awesome college bball player (although he apparently sucks in the PBA). Coming from the Ateneo, I hated his guts but loved his game. I’d trade any Ateneo player for the Cool Cat. Yes I’m talking to you Epok Quimpo, I’d trade you in a heartbeat.

Wrestling Men

Bret Hart

The Hitman, the Excellence of Execution and my favorite; The best there was, the best there is and the best there ever will be. During the Hitman’s wrestling heyday, it was cool to cheer for the clean cut good guy. I though wrestling was actually a legitimate sporting event. I’d cheer my little lungs out for Bret. I was practically on the edge of my seat during the Ironman match between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels (which Bret lost). That’s why it goes without saying I hate Shawn Michaels’ fucking guts. You screwed Bret Shawn!

The Rock

The great one. The day the rock left wrestling was the day wrestling died. Now the WWE has to live with shit like Cena and Batista. Yech. The Rock redefined what it was to be a wrestler. You didn’t have to have great technical wrestling ability or be a high flyer or fucking insane (Mick Foley). You just had to be good at talking smack. The Rock was the master of talking smack. Wrestling became a soap opera for men with as much monologues as there were actual wrestling. I loved every second of it.

Randy Orton

The Viper. He’s the only active wrestler I like. Why? He can’t wrestle. He can’t talk smack. I guess I like him because he has his whole Kobe shtick going on (No Emotion, Utmost Concentration, methodical) and I love love love Kobe Bryant.

Acting Men

Christian Bale

Serial killer, magician, savior of the human race (twice). These are some of the roles Christian Bale has played in his movie career. Not to mention the guy is motherfucking Batman! Batman! Please Christian Bale, please tell me that unlike me, you don’t wear hockey pants.

Chow Yun Fat

During the 80s and early 90s Chow Yun Fat was a bad bad man. This guy made shooting a gun look like conducting a symphony. Like painting a Mona Lisa. It was violence in its most pure unadulterated magnificence. It was art. Then Hollywood came along and ass raped his career with shit like Dragon Ball Evolution. But before that, he was the avatar of bad assery. Fuck you Dragon Ball Evolution.

Robin Padilla

Taas kamay na nga ako sayo, mahal nga kita maging sino ka man!” Fuck! Instant classic. They don’t write Filipino movies like they used to. Robin Padilla is the man. If it were up to me. All Filipino movies should star Robin Padilla, and he should say this line in every single one of them over and over again. I love this line so much, here it is in English:

high hand that I love you, love that we become who you man!

In French:

haut la main que Je t’aime, l’amour que nous devenons qui vous l’homme!

In Spanish:

parte alta de que Te quiero, amor que nos convertimos en lo que eres hombre

In jejemon:

Tua@z kaMaeH nu@h nGuah aq z@yowH, mAH@l Nguah K!Tah mUA61ng CNu k@H ManZsSSzz.

Animated Men

Kira Yamato

This guy pilots the most bad ass gundam. Ever (maybe except for those racist gundams in Gundam G like the Holland gundam that had a fucking windmill for a body). I don’t know if he’s the most skilled gundam pilot canonically , but I like to think he is because I am such a Kira fanboy. He pilots the shit out of his Gundam and kills dozens of enemy mechs even though his vision is blurry because of all the crying he does while shouting his best friend’s name (Attthrrrrruuuuunnnn!!!!!).

Kenshin Himura

Battousai the Slasher. Ah yes, the wandering swordsman. I love Samurai X so much I watched the show on regular TV every Sunday at 5:30. Religiously. You couldn’t talk to me while I was watching this show. You could try. But then I’d have to tear you throat out with my bear teeth. I loved it so much I wanted to murder everyone from studio 23 (TV station) when they replaced the show with Darkman. Don’t get me started on Darkman….

Eugene

“Tapusin! Tapusin! Tapusin! Tapusin! Tapusin! Tapusin!” Yup. This list is finished.

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Defending the Twilight Saga

A lot of people looooooovveee twilight (mostly girls). A lot of people hate twilight (mostly guys). A lot of people loathe everything about it (guys who were forced to watch the movies). A few people hate it soooo much, they literally take the pages of the books, crumple them over and over until they get kind of soft, then they use the resulting crumpled mess to wipe the residual excrement in the middle of their butt cheeks (guys who were forced to read the books).

I on the other hand simply accept it for what is is; Escapist fantasy written by a girl, for girls. Everyone has a secret fantasy, something we dream about, something we want to escape to.  When we find material/media that feeds our fantasy, we literally go crazy over it. It doesn’t  matter how terrible the writing is, you are going to buy every single book. It doesn’t matter how untalented the actors are, you are going to watch every single movie. For some people its lightsabers, for others its giant robots. For me its dragons (that’s why I buy the eragon books no matter how horrible they are).

For millions of girls (and some guys), its a love story with vampires and werewolves.

But even though i don’t hate it. it doesn’t mean I don’t have a problem with it (Off course I do).

What is my problem with it?

Unlike most people, I don’t have a problem with the fact that Stephanie Mayer can’t write for shit and that she practically raped the vampire mythology (Vampires do not fucking sparkle!). Mayer’s vision of vampires would probably make Bram Stoker turn in his grave. Twice (first clockwise, than counter clockwise). But I would say the same about authors who rip off the works of legends like  Tolkien, C.S. Lewis or Frank Herbert (R.A. Salvatore, Christopher Paolini and Robert Jordan to name a few). I read a lot of these rip offs and I can say that there are a lot of them that are as crappy or crappier than twilight.

I don’t hate twilight because Bella, little ms. protagonist, is an empty shell. The books vaguely or don’t describe her at all. She is completely forgettable. This is done on purpose (at least I think so). A “blank slate” character makes it easier for the multitudes of fan girls to wear her skin. They can fill the void that is Bella with their personality, their quirks, and their identity. Then, all of them can be little spider monkeys clinging tightly around Eduard’s back as he hops from one tree to another (If they ever make a twilight theme park. That’s a ride right there).

I don’t have a problem with this; I enjoy media like this all the time in role playing video games like Zelda, Dragon quest or Dragon Age. In these video games, the hero has no speaking lines whatsoever, he just stands there while the rest of the characters speak. When being spoken to, the game offers the player a list of pre set choices in order to give an impression that the gamer himself is deciding what the character will say. This makes it easier for nerds like me to think that we’re the ones actually saving the princess, or killing the big bad evil magic emperor.

So what is it about twilight that I have a problem with?

Well… I hate the fact, that throughout the whole series, all of the characters get what they want. There is no loss, no sacrifice or pain. Bella chooses Eduard, has a baby, becomes a vampire and loses nothing. Not her humanity, not her father, not her mother, not her friends. Jacob loses Bella to Eduard but after a few pages of being emo, he gets a new love of his life; Bella and Eduard’s daughter! Loss, pain and suffering in fiction are not bad things; in fact they put what was gained into perspective. They give weight and meaning in the end when good finally triumphs over evil, when love finally conquers all. Twilight has none of it, thus all the adversity the characters overcame becomes bland. Everyone gets their happily ever after, which makes happily ever after meaningless.  It’s 1950’s Disney minus the singing and talking animals.

So there. I’ve made my point. I don’t hate Twilight, but I sure as hell have a problem with it. What’s the whole point of this post? Why do I have to defend Twilight? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just defending the fact that I read all the books and have watched all the movies. hahahaha!

Go Team Jacob! Hoo-ha!

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