Monthly Archives: November 2010

New Look Monkey

I got tired of how my blog was looking…

So I got a new theme and changed a couple of things… Now my blog is cool, fresh and sexy again! Hooha!



Filed under Ramblings

Harry Potter and the Books with Horrible Movie Adaptations

Let’s face it. Books will always trump their movie adaptations. It’s just the way it is.

Nothing can beat the experience of reading a book and making written word come to life in your head. Because unlike a movie that has a director, writers actors who don’t necessarily adhere to what you want, your imagination does! What you dream up fucking goes.

That being said, I wasn’t surprised at the disappointment I felt after watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. Why should I be? I’ve been disappointed after watching every Harry Potter movie made to date. And no, I’m not angry about it. It’s just that I love the books so much they couldn’t have satisfied me no matter how hard they tried.

There are a ton of things I didn’t like about the movie. But I won’t focus on the terrible acting (yes, Radcliffe, Grint and Watson are horrible thespians), or what bits of the book they took out or added. These things are probably being discussed, ad nauseam, around the web. So, I’ll focus on the minor stuff, though small as they are, I think are worth mentioning.

1. The Sword of Gryffindor

I always pictured the sword of Gryffindor to be a huge bad ass broad sword. Probably like Aragorn’s Anduril:

When I saw the sword in the movie I almost laughed out loud. The sword is fucking puny!

You’re telling me that Godric Gryffindor, the bravest of the four founders of Hogwart’s carried that pathetic thing around his fucking waist!? If he did, he looked like a God damned pansy. Maybe Slytherin didn’t leave Hogwarts because of philosophical differences, maybe he was just fucking fed up at how Gryffindor was walking around with a glorified kitchen knife and calling it a sword.

I always pictured Godric Gryffindor to look something like this:

But based on the sword, the guys who made the movie probably thought Gryffindor looked more like this:

2. Emma Watson is too Pretty

In my head, Hermione, the smart over eager teacher’s pet looks like this:

and not like this:

I never thought being too pretty would be distracting. But it is. But in fairness to my masculinity, Emma Watson’s looks are distracting in relation to the attractiveness of the other characters in Harry Potter. Allow me to explain. In the books, there are characters that are described as being attractive.

Like Fleur,

Cho Chang,

or Ginny…

Yet in the movies, Hermione trumps them all! Why? Does the movie exist in some bizarro parallel universe where everything is opposite!?! I’m not saying they should have gotten an uglier actress to play Hermione. I’m saying they should have gotten more attractive ones for the rest of the characters.

3. Rupert Grint Wants to be Jacob Black

Ron Weasley is supposed to be tall and lanky. Rupert Grint is not. It distracted the hell out of me. Yeah I know he’s supposed to be all grown up and shit. I’m just asking for a little dedication to his craft. The role calls for a skinny teenager and a skinny teenager he should be!!!  Rupert Grint should take some lessons from Christian Bale. For his role in the machinist, he did this to himself.

Now that’s fucking dedication.

So there. I ‘ve said what I needed to say about the latest Harry Potter and the whole lot of movie adaptations of beloved books. Yes, they suck. But I watch them anyway. That’s just the way I’m wired. Of course there will always be exceptions to the rule, when the movies match or even exceed the books in quality, like the Bourne movies, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and Equilibrium (If you’re like me who thinks it’s an adaptation of the George Orwell classic 1984).

In case you haven’t figured it out, yes, Christiam Bale is a fucking deity. Worship him puny humans.


Filed under Movies, Reviews

5 Things I thought Sucked…

But Turned Out to be Awesome!

I love judging a book by its cover. I love first impressions. The feeling I get when I immediately judge whether something sucks or not without so much of second thought is so exhilarating. It’s like being Caesar at the fucking Roman Colosseum after a bloody gladiator battle. With my thumbs up, you live. With my thumbs down, you die.

But sometimes things need another chance. Not so often, I take a second look at things I thought sucked. A lot of times I get proven right, but sometimes I change my mind. So here are 5 things I thought sucked, but turned out to be awesome.

1. Sausage Mcmuffin eaten with Pancake Syrup

Some people put ketchup on their Sausage Mcmuffin, some people eat it bare. I eat it with pancake syrup. How did I start doing so?  Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away called college, I witnessed a friend of mine once eat a Sausage Mcmuffin, but before taking a bite, she slathered the damn thing with pancake syrup. Being the Sausage-Mcmuffin-with-pancake-syrup-virgin that I was, I thought it was fucking disgusting and down right deviant behavior to put syrup in a  damn sandwich! But upon thinking about it, eating it with syrup does make sense! It has the sweet and salty dynamic that we crave when we eat pancakes with sausages or bacon,  champorado with tuyo (which I don’t eat by the way) or french fries with a chocolate sundae (this is also awesome). Suffice to say, I gave it a try, and I never looked back. Since then,  I won’t eat a Sausage Mcmuffin any other way (even though the McDonald’s crew always give me funny looks when I ask for pancake syrup with my Mcmuffin).

2. Fantasy Literature

I consider myself a geek, but I never thought of myself as a fantasy geek. The books I read before were more of the Tom Clancy and Robert Ludlum type of genre (and a tad of Anne Rice). I can’t really tell you why I stayed away from Fantasy for the longest time. Maybe I thought its penchant for narratives that span multiple novels was too much to follow. Or perhaps I thought that I was too fucking cool to be reading Fantasy. Or maybe it was just fear of the unknown. Like I said, I don’t really know. But one time, I remember borrowing a book from my friend out of curiosity, It was a Dragonlance novel called Dragons of Autumn Twilight. And thus began my addiction to all things fantasy. I started reading any fantasy book I could get my grubby hands on. I read Dragonlance, Forgotten Realms, The Lord of the Rings (which I didn’t enjoy, watch the movies instead), the Eragon books, George R. Martin’s fantastic A Song of Ice and Fire books and so much more.

3. Western RPGs

The term western RPG didn’t even compute for me before. When I thought of RPGs, I always thought of Final Fantasy, Star Ocean, Dragon Quest, Suikoden and my most beloved Xenogears.

It never occurred to me that I’d enjoy playing a role-playing game not developed by the Japanese. But with the current generation of consoles something happened. Quality japanese RPGs were no were to be found! I’ve had my Xbox 360 for two years and my PS3 for one year, and I’ve only played one Japanese RPG that I truly enjoyed; Tales of Vesperia (yup, not Final Fantasy XIII). I had to get my RPG fix from somewhere else. That’s when Fallout 3, Dragon Age: Origins and Mass Effect 1 and 2 filled the void. I’m not going to go into the differences, pros/cons of Japanese RPGs versus their western counterparts, that in itself is a whole different topic. But Western RPGs are now awesome in my book (But for some reason, I still fucking hate Oblivion and the Fable series).

4. Programming

When I was in high school I hated programming so much. I remember we took up the Pascal language back then and it frustrated me to no end. I used to copy of my friends to meet the requirements for that subject. I wanted to be a god damned architect for god’s sakes! Programming made no sense to me in any way. Flash forward to the present, here I am, as my blog’s title states so succinctly, a code monkey.

Why is programming awesome? Because it pays the fucking bills that’s why. Need I say more?

5. Family Guy

I used to think Family Guy was just a cheap ripoff of the Simpsons. It’s not. Yes, Family guy like the Simpsons is about the shenanigans of what is supposedly an average american family. Yes, Peter Griffin, like Homer Simpson is the fat dumb father whose antics provide the bulk of the comedy. Yes, Louis Griffin like Marge, is the voice of reason. Family Guy also has eccentric children in Chris and Meg like Bart and Lisa. It also has a baby in Stewie like the Simpson’s Maggie. Ripoff right? Maybe. But Family Guy is so much more! It’s cruder, ruder, dumber and for me, far more hilarious than the Simpsons. I can’t explain the show’s appeal to me any better than this clip:

I know. Fucking awesome!


Filed under Lists

The Third World Gamer

On Pirated games versus Original games…

Fuck you! you horrible expensive fuck!


Filed under Art