Category Archives: Loathing

Zoolander’s Renaissance

I was just wondering, the film Zoolander came out ages ago, so why is it just now everyone is doing Blue Steel? What’s Blue Steel? It’s Ben Stiller’s “pose” in the movie. It’s a parody of how male models pose for the camera.

This look:

It is all the rage now. Celebrities are doing it.

So its 100% guaran-damn-teed that everyone else is doing it too. Browse through your Facebook friends and its likely you’ll encounter someone doing our favorite male model’s signature pose (By the way, I’m not stupid enough to grab some Facebook photos and post them here… In case you’re wondering why I didn’t post any). Apparently, it’s called the duckface now. Duckface my ass, I know a fucking Blue Steel pose when I see one.

What blows my mind though is that the movie intended the pose to be funny.

Derek Zoolander’s Blue Steel pose is intentionally stupid. The fact that the  people in the movie’s world thought that the look was simply fabulous was what made it even funnier. When you watched the movie way back in 2001 and you saw Zoolander do Blue Steel you probably said something like this to your friend; “Oh my fucking god! That pose is so fucking stupid“. Then your friend probably said; “I know right!? He looks so god damned ridiculous, its fucking hilarious!

But After 9 short years, the blue steel/duckface pose is being done not in jest, but with the intent of actually making yourself look good for a picture… For real.

Are you fucking kidding me!? After less than a decade our perception of what is attractive has shifted that dramatically! What was once hilarious is now hot! What is our world coming to?! My head hurts.

I’m getting too old for this shit.

Advertisements

9 Comments

Filed under Loathing, Ramblings

Me? Badtrip?!? Naaahhh Maaannnn, I’m Cool…

An officemate of mine told me that the impression he gets of me when reading my blog is that I’m always “badtrip” or in a bad mood. This makes me sad. Why? Because I want to be a blogger that writes about happy and fun things. I want to come off as a guy who loves rainbows, cotton candy and magical unicorns, not some hell-hath-no-fury-nut case.

Believe it or not, I actually put in an effort not to sound like some rabid lunatic. To prove that I’ve made an effort in improving myself, here’s an excerpt from my previous blog to serve as a comparison:

Putang ina kang hayop na group leader ka!! Ano ba naman ung sabihin mo sa akin na may orientation nung Monday ng 4:30!! Mahirap bay un!? Tapos tatanungtanungin kita kung bakit di mo sinabi, sasabihin mo “kasi hindi ako nagtanong”. Fuck You Asshole!! Nung sinali ako sa group mo BY FORCE kasi 2 lang kayo, I should have gotten the message that you’re a motherfucking loser!! Papagawa ka pa ng review notes na deadline ng August 2, tapos mag na nag ka sobra, tapos isusubmit mo ng August 15 kasi hindi mo pa tapos yung part mo!! Tang ina mo! Palusot ka pa na marami ka kasing ginagawa!! Hayop!! Ilan beses mo ako rinemind about the fucking review notes?! 6 na beses gago!! Ilan beses mo ko rinemind about ung orientation!? Zero you prick!! Hindi ka pa patay sinusunog na kaluluwa mo sa impyerno gago!!

As for you, you stupid stuck up bitch, porke alam mo na requirement ng mga students ung immersion sobrang high and mighty mo!! Ina mo!! I tried being polite dammit, it isn’t my fault that my group leader is GALACTICALLY STUPID!! Pero you didn’t even lift a fucking finger!! Screw you!! Tinanong kita kung ano mga options ko, sabi mo “magdasal”! MAGDASAL!? That’s the best you can fucking come up with!? ARRRGGGGHHHH!!! Siyet!! Tapos magsusubmit lang ako ng medical, dami dami mo pang sinabi hayop ka! Well, since hindi naman ako makakasama sa immersion, you can take my medical, dust it off, fold it up real nice, turn the sunnavabitch side ways and stick it up your tight ass bee-atch!! IF YA SMELL WHAT THE MIKE IS COOKING!!!”

I know right? I was an angry, angry college kid.

Why did I change? 3 reasons. First, writing like this in college was cool, but I figured writing this kind of shit wasn’t gonna cut it in the corporate world. Second, I guess I matured… A little. Third, I can’t go hating on people like this today, when the person can find out about it, post it in Facebook and then laugh while watching social-network Armageddon rains down on my sorry ass.

Hence, the new and improved me. =) I still dream about blogging about my magical unicorns, and maybe someday, if I’m worthy, I will.

12 Comments

Filed under Loathing, Ramblings

Tech Noob

I always considered myself technologically competent. Being an ECE graduate and a Firmware developer, I believed myself knowledgeable in the ways of tech.

I was wrong. Fuck me.

Last Saturday I decided to open up my desktop to re-attach some usb ports that have mysteriously dislodged themselves from the CPU case. I failed. the stupid fuckers were behind a thin wall of impregnable aluminum. With no easy way to pry the wall open, save for hitting  it with a hammer like some crazy caveman, I decided to just put the desktop back together. When I did, my damn monitor didn’t turn on when I powered up my PC!!! Fuck. I opened up the desktop again and checked if everything was nice and snug. Everything seemed fine but my damn PC still wouldn’t power up. I couldn’t think of a way to fix it. I tried resetting the BIOS. I tried waiting for a few minutes so the components could cool down. I even tried staring at my PC, silently willing it with my imaginary Keanu Reeves-like-powers to work.

Suffice to say, I went to sleep that night tired, exasperated and feeling totally inadequate.

Swallowing my pride, the next day I took my CPU to the shop for some professional help. I explain my problem to the PC repair man. This guy saunters up to my CPU, opens it up, takes out the video card and rubs an eraser on the metal connectors.

Then he reattaches the video card and powers up the cpu. Like magic, the damn thing powers up. BAM! I paid 350 bucks for some guy to clean my video card with a pencil eraser…

I spent 4 years working for a company that had me routinely taking apart CPUs in the laboratory. They probably paid me at least twice as much as what a regular computer repair man earns… And I was pawned by a guy with a mongol eraser!!! A GOD DAMN FUCKING MONGOL ERASER!!!

If that doesn’t win me the noob of the year award, I don’t know what will.

2 Comments

Filed under Loathing

Da Shit versus Shit

Some things are just “Da Shit”. Awesome stuff. Amazing stuff. The stuff of orgasms. While other things are just plain shit. Smelly, fly infested, gag inducing 100% grade-A monkey shit. Here are some examples just to drive home my point:

1. Sassy Girl versus Sassy Girl

My Sassy Girl was the first Korean movie I watched. As many people will tell you, it was awesome. The American version was another story. It had none of the magic that the original had. Even though it had Elisha Cuthbert, the American Sassy Girl just stinks.

2. Sadako versus Samara

Another case of the original being far far superior to the update. Sadako is just fucking scary. Compared to her, Samara from the American ring is a second rate cosplayer.

3. Maxmimus versus Spartacus

If these two gladiators were to fight, it would be no contest. Maximus would kick Spartacus’ ass so hard the next gladiator wannabe is gonna feel it.

4. book Ginny versus movie Ginny

I love Ginny Weasley from the Harry Potter books! I’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that Ginny Weasley is one of my favorite HP characters and that I knew from book two that she and Harry would end up together (I really did dammit). That’s why I’m so pissed at the casting of Ginny in the movies! Urgh! To put it nicely, she’s too… plain looking. especially when you put her beside Emma Watson. Come on. It’s not even fair. I guess that’s probably one of the reasons that a lot of people want Harry and Hermione to be the love birds instead.

5. The Rock versus Dwayne Johnson

I wish time travel exists. So the Rock can travel to the present and kick Dwayne Johnson in the nuts. What the fuck is wrong with you Dwayne Johnson!? Why the hell are you hosting the fucking Teen Choice Awards!? You used to be so cool!

6. Christian Bale versus George Clooney

Batman fans so get this.

7. Solid Snake versus Raiden

Think back to 2001. Remember waiting for months for the Playstation 2 to come out. Remember waiting for another couple of months for Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty to come out. Then, remember when you finally got your hands on the game and played the first 4 glorious hours as the legendary Solid Snake…

Then remember the rest of the game when you play as girly man Raiden.

8. Robin Padilla versus Jeric Raval

As the most famous Filipino movie line of all time goes: Jeric Raval, Walang Himala.

Wait. That’s not right. It’s this one:

Jeric Raval, you’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy cat.

9. Ghostfighter versus Flame of Recca

Flame of Recca was hyped (by GMA 7) as the next Ghostfighter. It wasn’t. The anime wasn’t very good to begin with, but couple that with terrible dubbing and just how awesome the tagalized Yu Yu Hakusho was, the Flame of Recca anime just doesn’t come close. (The flame of recca manga is decent by the way)

10. Rivermaya versus Rivermaya versus Rivermaya

214, ellese and Hinahanap hanap kita. Ahhh those were the days. The days when people wouldn’t call you insane for mentioning Rivermaya and the Eraserheads in the same breath. Then Bamboo split and Rico Blanco took over as front man.  That’s quite a downgrade. But still, say what you want about Rico Blanco, but he knows how to write good tunes.

Then Rico Blanco left. The remaining members were forced to pick up the pieces with a Rockstar insx like contest to find their next frontman. Now they’re just a shadow of their former self. Cueshe is more fucking relevant than Rivermaya. And that’s just plain sad man.

14 Comments

Filed under Loathing, Ramblings

Fuck Moore’s Law!

Moore’s law describes a long-term trend in the history of computing hardware. The number of transistors that can be placed inexpensively on an integrated circuit has doubled approximately every two years. The trend has continued for more than half a century and is not expected to stop until 2015 or later.

The capabilities of many digital electronic devices are strongly linked to Moore’s law: processing speed, memory capacity, sensors and even the number and size of pixels in digital cameras. (from Wikipedia of course)

Being from the IT industry, I’m thankful for this law. It’s what keeps firmware/software developers relevant. If not  for Moore’s Law, a lot of us code monkeys would be out of work.

But still… Fuck Moore’s Law.

It’s a double-edged sword. I happen to be a guy who just loves gadgets. I love having the latest shiny new toy. Gaming consoles, handhelds, cellphones, and MP3 player’s specifically. When a new iteration of one of these bad boys comes out, I get an uncontrollable  urge to own one. Now let us begin the story of how Moore’s Law fucked with my life.

Chapter 1: Moore’s Law Fucks My Walkman Phone

Around four years ago, I graduated from college and started working. I decided to splurge on a new cellphone. So I bought one of these:

It was cool, sleek and sexy. I was gaga over my new walkman phone. I showed it off to my friends and co workers and we all agreed it was a bad ass toy.  Then after a few months, a co-worker of mine gets one of these:

It’s everything my phone was but cooler, sleeker and (sigh) sexier. In short my phone was now grade A garbage.

Chapter 2: Moore’s Law Fucks My PSP

After resisting for almost a year and a half, I finally decided to get a PSP.

I played the shit out of my PSP. Everyone at the office started wanting one. I urged them to get PSPs so we could play multiplayer games.They did. but they got this:

After one fucking month the 2nd generation PSP comes out. The PSP slim comes out after a fucking month! The first generation then gets called the PSP fat. And it really is a damn fatass.

Chapter 3: Moore’s Law Fucks My Ipod Touch

When I first saw the Ipod Touch, I knew I wanted one, but when It was released, they only had 8Gig and 16 Gig models.  I figured the capacities available were inadequate, so I waited. When a 32Gig model came out I bought one.

The Ipod touch was the epitome of cool. I was in gadget heaven playing around with it. Again, I was the envy of my peers. Everyone wanted one. Then, like always Moore’s Law rears it’s fucking head. This comes out:

Compared to the walkman phone and the PSP issue, this one really got me pissed. The Ipod is not just an Mp3 player, it’s an accessory. And my 1st generation Ipod touch was suddenly uncool, sqaure and sooooo 2008. To make matters worse, stores suddenly phased out all first generation Ipod touch accessories. Of course, as if to pour salt on an open wound, all my office mates got a 2nd generation Touch.

Conclusion: Moore’s Law Fucks the Future

First my walkman phone hurt me, then my fatass PSP shamed me, then my Ipod Touch made me a fashion don’t!  There’s only so much I can take!!!

Now you have an idea of what Moore’s Law does to someone like me. And its starting again. In a few months, this comes out:

I am literally salivating over this thing. I really want one even though I know if I buy one, after 6 months (or a year if I’m lucky), a second genertion Iphone 4 is going to come out. The thing is going to be so much cooler and cost so much more. Then I’m going to be miserable all over again. Moore’s Law has put me in a vicious cycle of desire, happiness and utter misery. So I say Fuck you Moore’s Law!  You may put food on my table but you also bring me nothing but pain and suffering.

Fuck you, you unmerciful bastard.

14 Comments

Filed under Loathing, Ramblings, Things I Want

Saturday at the Movies: Inception and The Last Airbender

Gem and I watched not one, but TWO movies last Saturday. This came about because I missed watching Inception last week ’cause when some friends and I went to watch it, we couldn’t get any god damn tickets (dammit, indi ako uso for one week kasi di pa ko nakakanood ng Inception. haha)!

I insisted we watch Inception first because I knew it was going to be one of those movies where you actually have to use some brain cells (yipee!). Marmaduke this is not boys and girls.

Inception


So we watched the movie aaaaaand (taking a deep breath) it was so so so ultra-electro-magnetic-mega-fucking-AWESOOOOOOOMMMMEEEE! AEYIYIYIYIYI!!!!  I cannot begin to describe how much I loved this movie. Leo was awesome! Ken Watanabe was awesome! Cillian Murphy was Awesome! Juno (Ellen Page) was awesome! Fuck, even 500 days of summer guy (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) was awesome! I am sooo in love with the word “awesome” right now! After watching it I firmly believe God put Christopher Nolan on this green earth to give everyone movie nerdgasms.

I was at the edge of my seat from beginning to end. The movie was intense and layered and complicated, but in a good way. I’d like to think of Inception as the thinking man’s Mission Impossible. Like I said, the movie makes you think. It makes you think all the way out the theater, the mall, on the way home… When I was lying on my bed that night I was still piecing things together. And that’s good! Thinking is good people!

I won’t bother with a synopsis. In fact, go watch Inception without having a fucking clue what its all about. Its better that way. I don’t want to give anything away (I fucking hate it when people spoil good movies (I remember back in high school, a classmate of mine spoiled the ending of US marshalls, and i almost round house kicked him in the face. The only reason I didn’t was because I can’t kick very high)… But I just have to say, the ending was MIND BLASTING! Not mind blowing mind you, any good movie can blow your mind. This movie BLASTED my mind!!!!

During the last few moments I was like: Awww, that’s a nice sweet ending….

Then I was like: U-oh, I feel something big is coming….

Than the camera pans and focuses on “something”…. Oh shit here it comes… I just know it. OhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShitOhShit.

Then….

The Last Airbender


….

Words fail me.

Nothing left to say except “FUCK YOU M. Night Shyamalan for fucking up Avatar! (Yes, I call it “Avatar”, fuck you too James Cameron for stealing that name!) The animated series was one of my favorite things ever. It’s practically like my child, my baby. And you took a big fat stinking shit on my child.


My pure sweet innocent child you stupid fuck!! Fuck you!! I fucking hate you!!!” AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

15 Comments

Filed under Loathing, Movies, Reviews

Lebrononyms

I hate Lebron James. I hated him when he was in Cleveland and I hate him now he’s with the Heat. There are no words to describe how much I abhor this man-child.

I hate Lebron more than I hate this:

and this:

For me, Lebron is the equivalent of this:

This guy has an ego so huge, he actually refers to himself in the third person. In the third-fucking-person!! Does he think he’s a wwe superstar on something? Does he want us to smell what Leberon James is cooking?

I guess one side effect of that egotism and self centeredness  is that writers and fans started going all “punny” on his name. So, here’s a list of these “lebrononyms”, that I  found on the net, that are used to describe  the so-called king of Akron:

pre-decision

  • LeShaq LeMo – cavs teammates
  • LeGod, LeJesus – by cavs fans of course
  • LeBacle, LeChoke – performance during the cavs-celtics playoff series

free agency

  • LeBrouhaha, LeBronathon, LeBrachelor – all the hoopla of Lebron James’ free agency
  • LeBrontourage – Lebron’s high school buddies
  • LeNarcissict – announcing his intentions on live tv
  • LeBulls, LeKnicks, LeClippers, LeHeat – possible LeDestinations
  • LeBronologue – rambling on tv before announcing what team he was going to
  • LeMageddon, LePocalypse –  the actual decision, james to the heat

post decision

  • LeGone – to Miami
  • LeWade LeBosh – heat teammates
  • LeTraitor, LeFraud, LeBastard – by cavs fans of course
  • The LeTragedy – addition to previous Cleveland sports woes: the Shot, the Fumble and the Move
  • LeBronfire – the systematic burning of all things Lebron James in Cleveland

faves from forums/comments from users

  • LeDbag or LeDouche
  • LeJoke
  • LeBrat
  • LeFag
  • LeShit
  • LeTurd – my personal favorite

LeLong LeLive the LeKing!!

2 Comments

Filed under Loathing