A Sucker Punch to the Balls

I watched Zack Snyder’s magnum opus this week. I hated it. Why? Two Reasons:

Warning! Spoilers ahead!

Reason number 1: The Fantasy Bullshit is Disturbing

The first few minutes of Sucker Punch held promise. The music video like exposition (to the tune of an awesome “Sweet Dreams are Made of These” cover) of how Baby Doll ends up in the insane asylum is a tribute to Zack Snyder’s knack for giving meaning and weight simply through excellent camera shots/angles. But alas, it all went downhill once Baby Doll entered the asylum and she started having her hallucinations.

As anyone who is familiar with Sucker Punch knows, the fantasies are the scenes when the characters in the movie go all anime and display copious amounts of super human acrobatics, glorious slow-mo battles and other forms of bad-assery. These scenes are used to depict how Baby Doll and her cohorts obtain the necessary tools in order to escape the mental institution they are locked in; namely a map, a lighter, a knife, a key and a fifth unknown item.

Now to my point; the fantasy parts are distracting because of the reason the movie gives us for their existence. They are a way the protagonist copes with the trauma of her situation. Like the movie states, she uses them to “Fight“.

I don’t know about you, but this is how I escape my trauma

So while watching the vibrant visuals of the fantasy being played out, a part of my mind kept asking; “What the fuck is actually going on in the real world?” I can only come to one reasonable conclusion: In order to obtain the items they need to escape, Baby Doll has sex with someone as a distraction while the other girls steal the map, lighter, key or whatever.

When I came to that realization, all enjoyment from watching the fantasy scenes evaporated. How could I possibly enjoy them when I now know they’re the escapist fantasies of a girl whose desperation brings her to sleep with people who ooze sleaze in order to escape? How!?!

I probably felt the same way as the people in “The Soylent Green” movie felt, when they found out the yummy food they’ve been eating were actually human beings.

Reason number 2: The Ending Blows

I’ll give Zack Snyder credit. I was indeed sucker punched by the ending. I didn’t see or expect it coming. But it is also common sense, that people don’t like being sucker punched. A pleasant or mind-blowing surprise is completely different from a swift unexpected fist to the nuts.

Ouchies

The sucker punch ending is that Baby Doll is not actually the protagonist. It’s not her story. The real hero is one of her cohorts, Sweet Pea (aka the one who doesn’t die). On the verge of freedom, being blocked by numerous goons, Baby Doll realizes that she is the fifth, previously unnamed item, necessary for escape. So, she sacrifices herself by distracting the bad guys so Sweet Pea can escape, to “live for all of them“. As for Baby Doll, she gets lobotomized but not before regaining her sanity at the very last second before the ice pick is hammered into her brain.

It was a tragic ending. And it also completely, undoubtedly, unquestionably 100% sure-as-the-sun-rises BLOWS!!! Why does it blow? Because we don’t give a monkey’s ass about Sweet Pea. Throughout the whole movie, we were made to sympathize with Baby Doll and Baby Doll alone. The first 10 minutes (which as I said previously, was awesome) were designed to make us feel sorry for her. The backgrounds of the other girls were only given an iota of development. The bare minimum! This resulted in us not giving a fuck about them. If a little effort was made to make us care for anyone else aside Baby Doll, the ending wouldn’t have been so bad. I’d even go out on a limb and say it had the possibility to be a kick ass ending. But I digress…

So in summary, to have the one the audiences don’t care about go cavorting into the sunset and the one we DO care about being turned into a walking vegetable is a stupid ending. A dick ending. A Sucker Punch ending. If Zack Snyder’s goal was to piss the audiences off, he succeeded.

Congratulations…

 

 

Asshole.

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Fan Art: Death Metal

Here’s a fan art I just made of Death Metal:

Death Metal Custom

Just who is or what is Death Metal? Death Metal was a character in the comic series Combatron in the old Funny Komiks that used to be published in the Philippines. Yes, before manga became really big here, during the advent of the new millennium (which ushered Filipino made manga like Culture Crash), there was Funny Komiks. Combatron was my favorite of the offerings because it had cool ass robots (think rockman/megaman) and lord knows I love cool ass robots. Death Metal was super awesome because he couldn’t be killed since his life force was on some fucking comet and not in his actual body.

Also, his name was fucking Death Metal!!!

In case you were wondering, here’s what the original Death Metal looked like:

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I Found a Great Place to Have Dessert!!!

Almost everyday, while going home from work, I pass by this quaint little place that serves the most yummylicious desserts. But nowadays a great product is not enough to succeed. In order for customers to notice your wares, you must have a gimmick, something extra that piques people’s curiosity. That is why, aside from amazing foodstuffs, this store provides one of the oldest forms of entertainment; story telling.

While you eat, they regale you with the most amazing stories; fantastic yarns about love, loss and the inevitable triumph of the human spirit. This fantastic magical little stall is called:

 

 

 

 

Where they tell tales…

About Cocks.

This post is a work of fiction. Any similarities to actual entities or establishments are purely coincidental =)

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Finally… The Rock Has Come back to Wrestling!

And Everything is Forgiven

A few posts ago I wrote how the rock was “Da Shit”, then he had to go and do his Hollywood thing and ended up being plain Shit (link).

I forgive you Rock… I forgive you

Well not anymore! The Great One’s back baby!

Apparently it’s not going to be a one time appearance either! If we are to believe the video, he’s back in the active RAW roster.

Finally, I have a reason to watch the WWE again. Move over John Cena (I almost came in my pants when the audience turned their figurative backs on Cena. YEAAAHHHHHH!!! Cena Sucks!) and Randy Orton. Fuck off, Miz. The most electrifying man in sports entertainment is back. His 2nd coming will save Wrestling the way Michael Jordan’s 2nd coming saved basketball.

The Rock is the Wrestling Messiah!

I definitely smell what the Rock is cooking. And I can tell you, this time… it ain’t shit.

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Excited About Movies

Another new year has come, which means another new year of movies to look forward to! Here’s a list of the movies that I am excited about. Hopefully all of them turns out to be awesome. Nothing depresses me more than a movie I thought was cool but turned out to be a load of piss soaked shit.

I am Number 4

After watching the trailer the thought “Twilight with Mutants!” came to mind. But still, this movie has piqued my curiosity. I don’t know if it’s just me though, but the trailer makes this movie look eerily like the movie Jumper (starring Hayden “Darth Vader” Christiansen).

Lets hope it turns out better, ’cause Jumper fucking sucked.

 


Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon

Uh oh. Another bayformers movie. After the awfulness that was Revenge of the Fallen, where we find out that Devastator has gigantic metal balls and that Primes can go all Mufasa and manifest themselves in the clouds, I am a little bit scared of this movie.

I’m still going to see it though. Why? Because dude, it’s a movie with giant-ass robots. God knows how much I love robots.

The Hobbit

To those who don’t know, the Hobbit is the story that sets up the whole Lord of the Rings Trilogy. It’s basically the story of Bilbo Baggins (Frodo’s uncle/relative/cousin/who the fuck cares), and how he bamboozles Gollum and obtains the One Ring of Power. I was a bit disappointed when Guilliermo del Torro stepped down as director for this movie (Hellboy 2 was awesome). But that disappointment all went away when Peter Jackson decided to make the Hobbit himself. Since he already made the LOTR trilogy, it’s only fitting he direct the Hobbit.

P.S. I think the Hobbit is going to be split into two movies. I’m not sure though (and I’m too lazy to google it dammit).

Paul

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are spoofing another genre; Sci-Fi! I can’t wait. I loved Shaun of the Dead’s take on zombie movies (Shaun of the Dead > Zombieland btw) and Hot Fuzz’s take on the buddy cop movie. I’m betting this sci-fi comedy is going to be just as awesome.

One caveat though is that Edgar Wright (The director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) won’t be directing Paul.

 

 

Cowboys and Aliens

Cowboys are fucking awesome. Aliens are fucking awesome. Put them together and…

Yes, Cowboys and Aliens will make your fucking head explode because it is so fucking awesome. At least I think it will… Obviously it’s not actually out yet (duh). Still, the trailer is sexyawesome (That’s actually a word. you don’t need to look it up).

P.s. Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford look BADASS!!!

 

 

Thor and Captain America

I don’t know which is coming out first (again, I’m too lazy to google, but if I had to guess I think Thor is showing this year and Captain America next year), but both movies look cool. I’m more excited about Thor though. Mainly because, I’m curious as to how Thor’s “magical” power is going to look in the big screen.

 

 

Xmen: First Class and Amazing Spiderman

I’m not really sure how i feel about these two movies. On the one hand since FOX and Sony just keep making X-men and Spiderman movies respectively, so that the movie licenses don’t revert back to marvel studios, they probably don’t give a shit about the quality of the movies they spew out. On the other hand, the Xmen trailer has its great moments and Andrew Garfield (the new spiderman) is a pretty decent actor. And who the hell am I kidding anyways, no matter how shit stained the movies are, I’m still going to watch them. For I am a sheep in the Super Hero Movie farm.

The Dark Knight Rises

Christian Bale reprises his role as Batman, Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. Tom Hardy as Bane. And of course, the movie’s being directed by Christopher Nolan.

Even though they haven’t begun shooting it yet, I know The Dark Knight Rises is going to be the most awesome movie ever!!! I love The Dark Knight Rises as much as 13-year-old girls love Justin Beiber!!!

AIIIIYYYYIIIIIIYIIIIYEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

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Wedding Recap

I’ll keep it short and sweet, ’cause i’m using my ipod and blogging here is a bitch.

I got hitched last january 29. The event itself was awesome!!! But the preparation was a god damn nightmare because the clothes for the entourage were only completed on the day itself!!!

Anyway, what’s done is done.

I’d like to take the opportunity to thank everyone who attended. Thanks for the gifts as well. Now i just have to figure out how to divert the cash we got to my secret psp2 fund hahaha!!! (of course i’m kiddind >_<)

We're currently at the manor hotel in baguio enjoying our honeymoon. The place is fucking awesome!

I guess that's all for now! Code monkey, signing off.

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2010: The Year in Review

About two weeks too late…

The year in review is a staple to so called bloggers like me. You basically summarize the past 365 days in a couple of sentences (coherency is optional) and give some bullshit insight about how your life turned out. Think of it as ESPN Sports Center Highlights of your life.

So without further adieu, here’s the sum total of the codemonkey experience for 2010:

1. I started blogging again!

I don’t know why. I just god damn felt like it. So there.

2. I finally got a PS3!

Before graduating from college, I promised myself I’d get one. After four fucking years I finally did. The games are sell-your-liver expensive but the system is totally worth it. Especially because of MGS4, and the Uncharted Series.

3. I got a new Job!

Yup, last 2010, I switched companies. It was my first time doing so and didn’t know what to expect. How do I deal with the new culture, new officemates etc? Wait. I actually DID know what to expect. Whenever I’m pushed into a new environment, the same thing always happens; I go into fucking hermit mode for the first few weeks/months. When I’m new, I always come off as a shy person who has the social capacity equivalent to a man stranded on a deserted island for years and who finally gets rescued and introduced back into society.

Then after a few weeks I begin to feel at ease in my environment and start to participate (though awkwardly at first) in social situations. I don’t know why, but it always takes me a lot longer to be comfortable around new people compared to the rest of the human race. It’s like my very own useless mutant power.

4. I got Engaged

Yes. Me. Engaged. Who would have thought? This January 29, I’m going to be a married monkey. A lucky married monkey mind you (wink wink). The past couple of months, we’ve been preparing the wedding and I had no fucking clue that prepping for one would induce ginormous amounts of stress. My fiancé (Gem, who’s always first to comment on this blog of mine and who will soon be known as Mrs. Codemonkey) and me had to worry about invitations, guest lists, seminars, marriage licenses (don’t get me started on the fucking retards in City hall) etc…

But its all worth it since I get to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love (naks naman!!!).

Also, I’d like to take this time to apologize to the people whom we didn’t get to invite to our upcoming nuptials. There are so many. We’re sorry =(. Its not that we don’t want you to be there. We just have a limited guest list.

It sucks not being rich.

So that’s my year in review. No bullshit insight for me thank you very much. So I’ll just end this post by saying; The year had some ups and downs but it was mostly ups. All in all, it was a fucking good year for me. The codemonkey is happy and all is right in the world. Huzzah!

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