I watched the Hunger Games last night so I figured I’d write about it. I don’t want to say it’s a review. It isn’t a review. A review requires coherent thought and when I talk about something, I’m kind of all over the place. So I figure I’d make a Q and A, ala the tribute interviews conducted by Caesar Flickerman (which were nice parts about the book that translated well in the movie by the way).
Lets get at it then.
Q. Hey man, welcome. Thanks for doing this question and answer seg…
A. Shut the fuck up and ask your damn questions already.
Q. Okay… Before we get into the movie, what did you think about the book?
A. The book is awesome. At first I was hesitant to read it. You see, the first time I heard about The Hunger Games was when I read an article that said that Stephanie Myer highly recommended it.
Q. Stephanie who?
A. The bitch who wrote Twilight.
Q. I see. So you’re initial thought…
A. Was that I wouldn’t be reading this horse shit! But as always when it comes to these things, I did read it. Why? because I can’t help it. I have to be in the know, be a part of the discussion etcetera. Good thing to, as I said, The Hunger Games novel was awesome.
Q. So what you’re saying is you hopped aboard the band wagon?
Q. Did you read the Twilight books as well?
A. Fuck you.
A. Yes. Yes I did.
Q. Moving on. So what did you think about the movie? Did it live up to your expectations?
A. The movie was great. Was it better-than-the-source-material caliber ala Lord of the Rings? No, but that doesn’t mean it sucked. I enjoyed the movie more than John Carter surprisingly. The movie exceeded my expectations greatly. Probably because my expectations where along the lines of please-don’t-turn-it-into-twilight-pretty-please.
Q. You enjoyed it and would recommend others to watch it?
A. Yes and yes.
Q. Any thoughts on the opinion that The Hunger Games is a ripoff of Battle Royale?
A. Yes I do. It isn’t. Really. Yes, both stories involve young people fighting each other to the death. But that’s where the similarity ends. The reasons behind all the killing is completely different. In Battle Royale, the motive behind the killing is to weed out delinquents from a country suffering from over population (I think. It’s been years since I watched it). In the Hunger Games, the games are meant to keep the population in line. They give the people a show to control them. In this way, The Hunger Games is more like The Gladiator (the Russel Crowe movie) or Spartacus (the TV series with the endless blood baths and wanton fucking). In other words, the Hunger Games is like the Roman Empire. Like my college history professor said; The romans controlled the populace by bread and games. In latin: panem et circenses. Now you now where the country of Panem gets its name from.
Q. You actually remember something one of your college professors said?
A. I know. Wierd.
Q. What did you think of the cast?
A. The casting for all the main characters were great. No problems whatsoever with their choices. But…
Q. But what?
A. Isn’t Jennifer Laurence too healthy looking? Shouldn’t Katniss be, I don’t know, a little unhealthier? It’s called the Hunger games because the participants are fucking hungry right? She should have lost a little weight.
Q. Sigh… You’re gonna bring up Christian Bale in the Machinist again aren’t you?
A. You’re god damn right I am. Now that was fucking dedication to his craft! Christian Bale is fucking amazing!
Q. Did you stop to think that maybe, possibly… Christian Bale is just bat shit crazy?
A. How dare you! Batman isn’t crazy! Fuck you!
Q. Whatever. Let’s talk about the characters a little more.
A. Sure. But next time you call Christian Bale crazy, I’m kicking you in the balls.
Q. When reading a book, people often map a familiar face to a character, based on the description given. So before you watched the movie I want you to tell me who you imagined the characters would look like. Ready?
A. Okay. Go.
A. Jeff Bridges from True Grit.
Q. Awesome choice!
A. Thank you
A. Joey Potter
A. Dawson Leery.
Q. So… I’m guessing Gale would be…
A. Yup. Pacey Witter.
A. I know right!? AND you know what?
Q. No. What?
A. Every time there was something romantic happening in the book, The song “I Don’t Want to Wait” would be playing in the back of my mind.
A. Not Bullshit. Seriously.
Q. Okay. To each his own I guess. Last one.
A. Make it a good one.
A. Dora the Explorer.
Q. I… I don’t know how to comment on that…
A. Delicioso bitches.
Q. Last question before we go. Are you Team Peeta or Team Gale?
A. … I’m team shut-the-fuck-up-this-ain’t-twilight.
Q. Looks like that’s all the time we have. Thanks for doing this man.
A. You’re welcome. Now fuck off.